I fell in love with Baldwin from The Fire Next Time and reading Giovanni’s Room and this book continues my love for his work. He has a way with language and knows how to dig into the reader’s heart. I was curious how he would be able to write a whole book about a single day (technically, he doesn’t as he goes into the past) but he succeeds in it beyond what I could have expected.

Acceptance and Absolution, by Jeff VanderMeer

Finished the trilogy and the new book that expands it beyond a trilogy. I loved it as much as I remember and am fascinated by the new books as well. It still continued the conversations of identity with the fourth book (Absolution) but also opened up a lot of questions. I am slow to warm up to new additions to existing things, so I will need a reread to really appreciate the fourth book but it will not take a lot to bring me around.

Walden, Henry David Thoreau

This was a reread and will forever be a reread. Thoreau is a great writer and a wonderful mind. I found myself sometimes just passing and letting his words sit with me as I stared out the window. For anyone interested in introducing themselves to ecology and ecophilosophy then this required reading.

The Consolation of Philosophy, by Boethius

I read this because I am in a time in my life where I feel trapped and reading a book about a man trapped and about to be executed seemed like a great place to go to find wisdom. While it leans a lot on Christian theology, I still found it quite intriguing and interesting. It is easier to read as it is written as a conversation between Boethius and Lady Philosophy. It has a lot of wonderful wisdom and it is written in an old style where the conversation is interspersed with poetry which was delightful to read.

Ways of Seeing, by John Berger

I am new to theory in art and just the visual arts in general. I thought that this was a great introduction to Berger’s way of understanding art. It is made in conjunction with others and includes more than just aesthetic theory but also feminist theory. It consists of seven essays and three of them are just collections of pictures while the rest are pictures and writing. I thought that it was a great read and finished it in the evening (even though I am dyslexic).

My First Summer in the Sierra, by John Muir

I think that this is also a great book for anyone interested in beginning ecological or ecophilosophy reading. Muir also has a wonderful way with words and how he uses them to describe the ecology of the Sierra. He goes into detail about the different plants and animals in a way that is fascinating and does not get boring in the slightest.

Of Monks and Monsters: “Voluntary Eunuchs” and the Project of Male Celibacy in the Fifth Century, by Lindsey Carol Mercer

I stumbled across this for research on the book I am writing and it was fascinating. It is a dissertation that Mercer wrote that you can get (I think for free, I’m still doing my master’s degree so have access to stuff like this) at the Fordham Library. It is about how Christian thinkers like John Cassian and Jerome utilized the image of the eunuch in their theological writing, especially in comparison to the life and image of the monk. It is a read that is focused a lot on the body and the physical passions but it is a fascinating read to see how eunuchs were used as rhetorical tools.

Dante focuses on gluttony for political power in the 6th Canto with the Hog and the prophecy of political upheaval and conflicts. I could discuss the current gluttons in the Oval Office but Dante and books are the few media sources that do not piss me off or give me existential dread about the future of this country, so I will refrain. Another, and more related reason to the series, is that I am not a politician. There is nothing for me to reflect on in my political work because I am not in politics. But what I can reflect on more deeply is my relationship with power. As I alluded to earlier, I have a hunger for power myself. This often appears as power-over and not power-to. Power-over is power over someone or something else. It is an oppressive power, a violent strength, whatever is needed to force my will over someone or something. Oftentimes, in these fantasies, I exert my physical power (a la violent superhero) or intellectual power (a la Aaron Sorkin) and win the exchange. When I was younger I would often exhibit praise from others. However, today it is done for the sake of showing off my imaginary power in these imaginary worlds.

If I were much younger when the internet exploded over Andrew Tate I would have fallen into the Manosphere. When Jordan Peterson was first popular I thought him incredibly intelligent (much to my current and eternal embarrassment). He presented physical power through the lens of an intellectual which is something I wanted deeply. Before I knew it was right for me to transition the two gods I would focus on were Djehuty1 and Sekhmet2 thinking that I could embody both domains. This dynamic did not bring me wholeness. I was only more and more uncomfortable with myself. I bring up Tate because he seems like someone who is gluttonous for power, and willing to admit it. This idea of physical strength and martial arts skills signifies power to him. Being able to beat the shit out of someone if needed or riddle them with bullet holes at a moment’s notice signifies power to him. Emotional repression signifies power. Copious amounts of sex signify power. All of this he seems to chase (only to land him in Romanian jail for human trafficking). What allured me was the physical and mental power. Being able to dominate physically and mentally, to become untouchable. But I think that Djehuty blessed me with clearer sight and an open mind and slowly I began to realize and regret these desires for power. When reading Canto 6 the Pilgrim and Virgil are confronted with Cerberus and he is grotesque:

Cerberus, monster cruel and uncouth,
With his three gullets like a dog is barking
Over the people that are there submerged.

Red eyes he has, and unctuous beard and black,
And belly large,3 and armed with claws his hands;
He rends the spirits, flays, and quarters them.4

Later we learn that Cerberus is much more grotesque than previously thought: “Your Cerberus, if you remember well, / for that, had both his throat and chin stripped clean.”5 Cerberus is swollen, stripped of flesh in parts, and raging as he moves from body to body ripping them apart to shove down his already overflowing gullet. It is a fitting image of gluttony, especially in a space that punishes those gluttonous for power. Power is an ugly thing and unrelenting in its pursuit for more of it. It is an all-consuming force that puts everything in its crossfires to consume. Whatever that power is it is not worth it. I have never found true happiness or true eudaimonia through the pursuit of power because power corrupts. What I have come to enjoy is the filling egalitarianism of friendship and the powerless joys of contemplation. There is a form of power that we can find comfort in. I have found comfort in my power-to, the capabilities that I have now, and the habits I am capable of fostering. Finding joy in my power to do what I love and my power to be with those I love. This type of power, the power to change for the better, is a wholesome power that I am learning to embrace as I go.

References

Dante, Alighieri. Inferno. Translated by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. https://digitaldante.columbia.edu/dante/divine-comedy/

by Aristotle

I’ve read some part of this for an introduction to philosophy course I took as an undergrad, but finally getting to read through the whole thing felt like a great accomplishment for me. Since Aristotle is such a systematic thinker it can get a bit tedious at points, but the wisdom he provides on how to like a happy life is worth every step.

Annihilation and Authority

by Jeff VanderMeer

I only recently learned that there is a fourth book added to his Southern Reach Trilogy so I have been rereading the series in preparation for it. It had everything I remember: haunting and indescribable nature, questions of identity, fusions between nature and humanity (and the science and séance brigade). It is weird and intriguing with in readable self aware dialogue that still fits into the story.

Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelical Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation

by Kristin Kobes du Mez

Had this on my shelf for a while now and finally got around to reading it. This is a must for anyone looking to understand American politics, especially the politics of the right and of evangelicals. Well written and informative about one of these most powerful demographics of people in the US.

The Goldfinch

by Donna Tartt

I love Tartt’s The Secret History and figured I would love this novel as well. I did enjoy it, and it is an objectively good book, but the first half was not entirely for me. It sets up the second half really well and without it ai would not have been glued to the story as much as I was when Theo and a significant character in the story (I won’t say who in case it spoils anything for someone) are in the hotel after a major debacle. That conversation is how you keep up suspense when the answers are just inches away.

Psychomachia

by Prudentius

This is an ancient poem of about 1000 lines that depicts a battle between virtues and vices. I read it for a book I’m writing, thinking that it would be pertinent to one of these topics. I kind liked it. I have been inundated with Dante, so a poem about vices and virtues that doesn’t compare to Dante’s feel underwhelming (and that is my fault not the fault of the author). There was a lot of unique imagery and dynamics that play out in this poem that I might have to use for myself (remember: bad artists copy, good artists steal).

The Vegetarian

by Han Kang

This is a phenomenal book that focuses on the growing insanity of the main character and how the different narrators deal with this insanity (most of which not very well). When I read it I read it like a horror book, waiting for something to jump out from behind the curtains, but nothing horror-related happens even though there are some horrific moments. I see why Han Kang won the 2024 Nobel Prize from this work and The White Book that I read a while ago. It is deeply disturbing in the way that great literature can be.

The infernal hurricane that never rests
Hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine;
Whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them.2

While this is not so bad as later circles (e.g. buried in flaming sarcophagi, sliced up by devils over and over, or being chewed in the mouth of Satan himself) I, with a fairly weak stomach, would come to hate this sooner than later. But it is also a fascinating way of understanding lust. Sins will (obviously) include the act of sex itself: the excessive or immoral actions of penetration or reception at the wrong times and in the wrong ways. Francesca (the soul that Virgil and the Pilgrim meet and speak with) is in hell because she cheated on her husband. Or the sinful actions unrelated to sex but are performed out of lust. For example, Achilles is in this ring and not the ring of wrath or violence, which is fascinating. The very beginning of Homer’s Iliad references the rage of Achilles:

Goddess, sing of the cataclysmic wrath
of great Achilles, son of Peleus,
which caused the Greeks immeasurable pain
and sent so many noble souls of heroes
to Hades, and made men the spoils of dogs,
a banquet for the birds,…3

Yet his cardinal sin, according to Dante, was that of lust.4 This, of course, stems from his refusal to fight in the Trojan War because Agamemnon stole Briseis from him who was considered Achilles’s war prize. He allowed countless Greeks to die because he had an enslaved woman stolen from him. Since Dante did not formulate a pride ring in his hell, lust seems to be the best option. His sin was not related to sex but was driven (in Dante’s understanding) by lust. Something that should be pointed out is that one cannot enact a vice (or virtue) as these are states of being, or, as Aristotle says in his Nicomachean Ethics: “what we have when we are well or badly off in relation to feelings.”5 Although we say someone can lust after another, vices are not verbs but much closer to adjectives. One can be wrathful as a descriptor of one’s character or act wrathful-ly as a descriptor of one’s actions. However, to perform wrath as an action is impossible. Coming back to lust, which is often used as a verb, ask yourself: ‘How does one lust?’ Endless flirting? No, that is flirting, not lusting. Feeling horny for someone? This tends to be a major part of what people mean when they say someone is lusting, but feelings are distinguished from states, and certainly from actions. Feeling is not something we do with our hands or feet or mouth in the same way we write, walk, or speak. Trying to get into someone’s pants? Again, that is a completely separate action from lusting.

‘To lust,’ as a verb, is defined as having a strong sexual desire for someone. But that is not really an action in the same way that flirting is an action. To desire and to act on that desire, according to Dante, are two different things. Coming back to Achilles, it was not the lust that damned him but the actions that were informed by it. And this is where Francesca comes into play. Her story is that she was meant to wed someone, but she fell in love with the man’s brother who retrieved her. The two tried to stay away from each other, and they were doing well until they weren’t. They ended up cheating with one another and died at the hands of Francescas' husband when he found out. Adultery damned her and her lover, not their feeling towards each other.

Even though I struggle with some of Dante’s decisions throughout his work—how he decided who put Aristotle in hell even though he is, in a way, the architect of hell—this is something I love deeply. I grew up Catholic, and there is nothing that Catholics love more than excessive guilt. Guilt about actions and guilt about feelings. This is a larger issue in Christianity as a whole, not just Catholics, how in the colloquial beliefs feelings will send one to hell even though feelings do not harm anyone. This is why conversion “therapy” focuses on ridding the feelings related to homosexuality instead of being okay with just not having gay sex.

There is a certain benefit in ridding oneself of certain feelings, only in that it makes it easier to focus on doing virtuous actions. Aristotle says that actions done in accord with virtues entail that “he must know [i.e. one must be conscious of the actions]; secondly, he must decide on them, and decide on them for themselves; and, thirdly, he must also do them from a firm and unchanging state.”6 And, I would argue, if one must do this to act in accord with virtue, one must do the same to act in accord with vice. Francesca and Achilles knew what they were doing (cheating and not helping in war, respectively), they chose their actions willingly, and they did it in a state of vice (for Francesca, a state of lust; for Achilles, a kind of the same but mostly in a state of pride).

It is easy to say that lust may have blinded these two, but Dante would disagree. A major part of this work, and Aristotle’s Ethics, is the prevalence of reason. It becomes most clear in the last two circles regarding treachery and fraud. These are the worst, according to Dante, because they involve reason to commit, something that is seen as a blessing from God (or the gods for Aristotle). Previous sins can be committed in fits where we lose our reason, but to trick someone requires forethought. Francesca says that love “Seized me with pleasure of this man so strongly, / That, as thou sees, it doth not yet desert me”7 which implies that she had no control over her own actions. That these winds of lust blow far beyond the reaches of her will and reason. If Achilles was spoken to as well or instead of Francesca I think that Dante would have implied the same about how love or lust paralyzed him against his will. It implies that she was whisked away, taken up in a whirlwind of love, and unable to return to the ground. The winds of lust overtook her, let us say. But she always had her reasoning. She was always able to continue avoiding her brother-in-law. She never had to act upon her desires. A different outcome, where she never cheated, got over her brother-in-law, and died of old age was always possible if she engaged her reason a little more.

However, I still see her story as a tragedy, as many scholars seem to think that Dante did as well. They say he had a lot of sympathy for her because she was in love and could not act upon that love due to marital bonds. I won’t lie that it must have been awful to be married to one but deeply, truly in love with another. If it were the modern day, the story of Francesca would have ended in a divorce from a loveless marriage and a happy ending with her and her lover. I think that her suffering is a product of her regressive times, and that sucks. And, outside of the metaphor, I think that this is why Dante made the lust ring much easier on the inhabitants than other rings. They are blown around as they were in life instead of being, effectively, raped for all of eternity. Their sins were an attempt to aim at love but ultimately missed the mark.

It is difficult to read as someone who thinks the concept of hell proves that whoever created it is objectively evil. However, is it refreshing to hear a different narrative about who is punished and why. To hear that sexual desire is natural, but how we act upon it is what makes us virtuous or vicious. To feel is something, but to act is something completely different, because we have control over our actions, but what we feel comes and goes like the breeze, and whether we latch on to it or let it waft over us is our decision, our action.

References

Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Terence Irwin. Hackett Publishing Company, Inc., 2019.

Dante, Alighieri. Inferno. Translated by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. https://digitaldante.columbia.edu/dante/divine-comedy/

Homer. Iliad. Translated by Emily Wilson. W. W. Norton and Company, 2023.

• Limbo1

• Lust

• Gluttony

• Greed

• Anger

• Heresy2

• Violence

• Fraud

• Treachery

Each ring harbors two types of sinners that exist on either extreme. For example, confidence. On one extreme there is rashness that can get oneself and others harmed while on the other extreme, there is cowardice. The Aristotelean virtue sits somewhere between them and will vary from time to time and person to person. Talking back to an abusive boss may be rash if one relies on the job to feed themselves and their family while another person who has a job offer in another company can finally get this off their chest as they leave the company. One is rashness as it endangers one’s livelihood while the other is bravery as it pushes back against oppressive forces while not endangering them or others. The greed rings have one extreme on one side and the other extreme on the other side pushing boulders back and forth and shouting at each other. It is clear how Aristotle influenced the structure and map of hell, which is why Dante stuck him in it. And this feels gross to me.

I am not going to claim that Dante is evil for this. I understand the time he was writing in and the fact that ibn Sina (Avicenna) and ibn Rushd (Averroes) were in Limbo with the rest of the virtuous pagans instead of deeper in hell may have already been too far. Yet, Cato makes it to purgatory, and all of Dante’s inspirations do not. It is strange to wrestle with this. To have the cultural, historical, and theological understandings on one hand but to know that Dante forgoes these from time to time on the other hand. To honor and hold in high regard these poetic and philosophical minds throughout one’s work but not give them some level of thanks… sickens me.

This is great literary work, though. The Divine Comedy is a work of fiction first and foremost. You set up something that the character, in this case, the Pilgrim, has to struggle with early in the text and then see how that character wrestles with the concept throughout. This is most prominent at the gate to hell and its ominous inscription:

Through me the way is to the city dolent;
Through me the way is to eternal dole;
Through me the way among the people lost.

Justice incited my sublime Creator;
Created me divine Omnipotence,
The highest Wisdom and the primal Love.

Before me there were no created things,
Only eterne, and I eternal last.
All hope abandon, ye who enter in3

This also happens for Virgil more directly. This is something that greatly characterizes him within the text as he travels through the circles knowing with all of the knowledge that he does. He has to wrestle with the idea that he was born before Christ and will be stuck in Limbo for all eternity right next to all of the screams and stink and torture. He must feel relieved that he was virtuous in life, but angry that he cannot enter heaven even though the matriarchs and patriarchs of the Bible were taken up during the harrowing of hell.4 He also had to have witnessed it as well to see this supposed loving God leave him forever to sigh. This is also something that the Pilgrim must struggle with. Throughout Inferno, he comes to adore Virgil more and more. He already had high regard for the poet, but with each ring, their bond grows stronger. When the two finally part in Purgatorio this must feel like a death of sorts, even though Virgil had been dead long before even Florence was an idea.

If I am to be hopeful for a moment, I think that this is a critique of Dante’s Catholicism. Virgil did nothing but prove himself worthy throughout the entirety of the first two books and yet was not allowed to, at least, remain in purgatory and repent. I want to think that readers of Dante’s time were meant to read this and seriously think about what they believed about the afterlife and if it was truly just. To see a character like Virgil who recognized the folly of his pagan ways and even learned from the angel that came to save the traveler's new ways of speech turned away before the gates of heaven and seriously take some time to consider this outcome outside of literature. That may be, at the very least, the God of this fictional world might change His mind if Beatrice does “praise thee [Virgil] unto him.”5 But that is me being hopeful. And I doubt that the historical record reflects this hope. For now, we must wrestle with Dante and try and figure out why he would dispossess the virtuous and punish hell’s creator in his work when he had full power to give them one last chance for repentance.

References

Dante, Alighieri. Inferno. Translated by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. https://digitaldante.columbia.edu/dante/divine-comedy/

The transition from the night to the sun—from a place of bodies that Mishima criticizes to a place where his body is beautiful—could easily be read as a trans story if taken out of context. Once hating your body and even neglecting it to then transitioning to a love of your body after putting work into sculpt it. Trying to experience the body though words instead of experiencing it first hand. I consider myself still wrapped up in the night, if we are to used Mishima’s language here. I love words and deep contemplation. Like Mishima I enjoy “introspection, [shrouding] myself in cogitation” (Mishima, 21). But, something I have been learning over time is the necessity of the sun, of experiencing a solar embodiment directly instead of trying to experience it though stories and ideas. While I do not think of words as corrosive as the author claims, I agree that they miss the mark. You cannot live a life through words. I have come to take seriously this desire to leave “my pit, my dusky room, the area of my desk with its piles of books” and to take up other such endeavors (Mishima, 20). I am taking seriously my desire to embody the sun, and this has lead me to realize my transness. To finally feel embodied though altering my flesh in a way that I deem beautiful.

While not all transfolk go though the process of hormones and surgeries, it is a common occurrence as it stems from the desire to turn our bodies from signifying one gender to signifying another. We wish for the redistribution of fat, a slenderness or hairiness of the jaw, a softening of the skin, an easier development of muscles. Something I get from Sun and Steel is the embodiment inherent in being part of the sunfolk. The relishing in your own flesh, feeling it for the first time as part of you. Transitioning was the first time I began to experience my flesh as a part of me, as something I desire to keep. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and feel this urge to peel away my skin. I did not want to be with my body anymore. Marquis Bey in Black Trans Feminism claims (if I am reading their work correctly) that to be unbodied is to have the expectations of the body neutralized, to finally have gender and the body separated so that one does not dictate the other in any way. To be unbodied is something I wish to be. This was not the core feeling. The core was to be without a body, without the burden of flesh and skin.

The steel, for Mishima, is the training he does. Specifically, he refers to the steel as the gym equipments and the swords he trained with. This is the process of change, the steps taken to artistically sculpt the body into something beautiful. There is a reason that his awakening to the beauty of the sun was looking at Greek sculptures. Creating a body you love can be seen as an art form like the sculpting of a statue with a body you love. However, the use of ‘sculpt’ is strangely used when talking about bodies. We use this word in the sense of pottery, taking something that already exists and morphing it into something different. Sculpting a statue is very different, especially the way Mishima’s beloved statues were done. In this instance material is taken away from the original marvel or stone. Trans affirming care is much like both of these. Though hormones our bodies change like clay on a potter’s wheel. Through voice training our speech follows likewise. Through surgeries we become the marble that has parts removed and other parts smoothed out.

To be trans in this day is more than just a thing of the sun. Unfortunately, we must also become revelers in the night. I read an article by Julia Serano, a biologist and author who has been advocating for trans rights since the early 2000s. In the article talking about the importance of trans healthcare for the youth, before provide a list of over 100 references to scientific research studies and reviews, she writes: 

“I’m sure that trans-skeptical people will complain that their favorite studies are not listed here. Of course, they are free to make their own list if they wish, although I am sure it would be far shorter and/or more reliant on older outdated research than this one. And undoubtedly, they will likely nitpick over individual studies listed here and opine about how they are supposedly flawed.” (Serano, 2023)

Even with the overflowing evidence she provides she predicts the very realistic scenario of the trans-skeptic to continue to find fault and disregard her work. The trans body must also be an exceptional mind. It is not enough to be a sun worshiper but to also be the favorite mind of the night. Even then, there will still be people who ignore you or give you a lazy “I still need more information.” Mishima leans towards a need to balance the sun and the night, harkening back to a time when the samurai were honored for their physical and mental prowesses. He does not deny the parts of him that still reside in the night and so come to incorporate both of them, to be well versed in both pen and sword. Some trans folk might, at first, overcompensate when they begin their transition. To go hyper feminine or hyper masculine or to completely reject wearing any clothing or styling that may associate them with the other gender even slightly. Some non-binary folk might stress over how that they do not look androgynous enough or may come into their non-binary nature expecting to look completely androgynous as their goal. Yet, over time, we come to recognize some of the masculine or feminine elements we naturally have or naturally enjoy. Going beyond transness, I also agree that the cultivation of the body should be balanced with the cultivation of the mind.

This cultivation is where Mishima and my trans reading come to diverge. Mishima sees the steel as a way of stripping his “muscles of the unusualness and individuality (which were a product of degeneration)… to assume a universal aspect, until they finally reached a point where they conformed to a general pattern in which individual differences ceased to exist” (Mishima, 30-31). While I think this as more of a mystical melding with the universal, knowing how much Mishima desired to be a part of the military, how he wanted the military to be under the control of the Japanese Emperor again, and describing the “unusualness and individuality” of his muscles were “a product of degeneration” I doubt that this mysticism of the body was the only thing he had in mind (Mishima, 30). He was an intense reactionary at best and a Japanese imperialist as worst. Individuality and diversity are the strength of nations. While I love a non-dual philosophy when I hear one, non-duality still upholds and reveres difference as another aspect of the divine and does not demand conformity. It is transness that goes against conformity; the conformity of gender, the conformity of actions, the demands that you must act and be a certain way because you were born with certain body parts. If Mishima was able to move from the night he thought he could only inhabit to become one of the sun worshipers, then what stops me from moving from one way of being to another, more feminine, way of being?

References

Bey, Marquis (2022. Black Trans Feminism. Duke University Press.

Mishima, Yukio (1980). Sun & Steel. (John Bester, Trans.). Kodansha International. (Original work published 1968).

Serano, Julia (2023, May 16). Gender-Affirming Care for Trans Youth Is Neither New nor Experimental: A Timeline and Compilation of Studies. Medium. https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/apa_style/apa_formatting_and_style_guide/reference_list_electronic_sources.html